Sunday, October 07, 2007
We had communion today and it made me question myself and where I am with God. I've been a little embarrassed at how I have been doing lately, spiritually . To be quite honest, it has been a long time since I have had good quality time with God. When I do my bible reading, I find that I read it for the purpose of knowing what it says rather than trying to understand what God is saying to me. My prayer time is often time short and on most days, I am too distracted by other things to remember. I've felt guilty about my spiritual droop and that caused me to avoid thinking about it altogether. I realized that I been hiding behind my Christian facade for too long, and no one really knows about my spiritual struggles. I often struggle with whether Christ is real to me or not. When I think about it, I am not sure I feel the extent of Christ's sacrifice. Shouldn't I be a changed creature? Why am I still scared of people rather than speaking out for God? How do I contribute to God's Kingdom? I feel like I fall so short. I am so ashamed because I am so weak. How do I continue to fight this battle when I feel like I have already lost?