Friday, September 07, 2007

Ben and I got a new laptop today. We waited for a long time before we convinced ourselves that we "need one." Although it is quite fun I still can't justify the need for this new toy. I am convinced that once we get used to the laptop we will have a hard time without it, and will depend on it just like we depend on cell phones or mulitple cars. I wonder how we ever survived without those things in the past.

We have had many people ask Ben and I when we are going to have a baby. It seems to come up a lot since I joined facebook. I am guessing that people ask because babies are naturally a pleasant thing that they are curious about. Also other people's babies are fun because you can play with them and then give them back at the end of the day. Some of my friends are even asking me to have one!! It amuses me so much. Of course I don't want to disappoint so the only option is to try and please everyone. : )

I find that I am the most content when I am at home. It doesn't matter what i do, I can read, cook, clean, decorate, run errands, do the dishes and I am happy. Some women have a hard time being at home, some have a hard time feeling stuck carrying out the domestic affairs in the home. On the opposite end, I struggle with how not to make my home an idol. I struggle with wondering, is it wrong to put so much time and energy into making my home beautiful or spending time on a wonderful home cooked meal? I wonder how it is that serving my husband and being at home is a service to God because it is just too easy for me to do that. I love it!!

There are times when I feel looked down upon for my love of home life. Sometimes I even feel embarrassed that people see me without ambition and drive for a career. I feel as though they are judging me saying that I am lazy and, therefore, I have no desire to work. The truth is, I am constantly battling between my ambition to suceed in the world's eye and my true love of being a wife, a mother, and a domestic caretaker. The truth is, the reason why I care so much about how people think of me is because I am a prideful person who wants others to think highly of me based on my achievements. The reason why I set my value on my achievements is because that is how society has taught us to value other people. As a Christian it is wrong of me to use that same standard to find my self worth. God is our creator who made us for his purpose and not our own. When we draw value from what other people think of us and not what God thinks of us, we are worshipping an idol. I have been humbled lately by how little I have achieved in the world's eyes. My life is simple and small and God can use it any way he wants it. If God decides to achieve big things in my life, it is for his glory, if he decides not to use my life in big ways, then I have to be content living faithfully for him.

1 comment:

Mary Mc said...

Amen, sister. Thanks for the encouragement.