Recently, I regretted having told a lie that has ruined my relationship with a friend for the long run. What really hurt the relationship was my unwillingness to admit my downfall. I tried to justify myself by twisting the truth and making it something that, to me, sounded nicer. I will never know how this hurts our relationship. Recently, I discovered that there are things I will not be able to change. No matter how sincerely sorry I am, I will never be able to guarentee the same kind of trust that was given to me in that relationship.

When it rains, it really does pour. Relationships are hard. I was talking to a friend today and I was surprised by his view of me. I was tempted to open my mouth and shout, "You really don't know me at all," but I decided it won't help. I walked away on friendly terms but deep inside, I feel hurt and misunderstood. I felt like I just walked away from a conversation with my brother. Although my brother is overly critical of me, part of me know that what he said was true. That just makes it the more painful.

I am learning to take responsibility in the relationships I do have. jealously and bitterness sometimes comes unexpectedly and leave a bitter taste in my mouth. The fault is not people's but mine. I have a duty to guard my heart from these things that are damaging to my relationship with God and other people. As a leader I feel unfit to represent God. His holiness and goodness I can only imagine.