so what does it mean to actually take up the cross and follow christ? Boy, how often I say that I will drop eveything and follow Jesus, but lately, I recognized that I won't even give up little things for him. How many of you have ever said to yourself, "if God calls for my obedience, I will follow him"? I think you and I are just another long chains of Peter. After reading the gospel I actually felt bad for the guy. There is no doubt in my mind that Peter loves Jesus. I can feel his remorse and his hatred of himself after his denial to Christ. Who can really blame him? Like I said, he is another guy who's spirit is willing but his flesh is too weak. When Jesus asked me if I love him, I said yes. Just like Peter, I was sure that I will never denied Christ but when times of trouble knocks on my door, there is a whole new different answer. I think underneath each one of us is a cowardliness that we definately did not inherite from the Christ. We hear about Abraham all the time but do we actually understand how hard it is to be a man or woman of obedience? What is the greatest characteristic do you think God values the most? It is obedience. Abraham was not a man of special intelligence; he was not particularly handsome or had great people skills, but through one characteric that most people of our day undermine, God has blessed him a nation. Wow, what a gift! So yea, Lately I been feeling really dissappointed with myself. I feel like a Peter who denied Christ when people ask him if he knew Jesus. Sure I love God, but when tough times came, I choose the easy way out. Huh...yup. I am doing everything i can to pull myself back up. I am studying the words, praying to God for strength, and committing myself (again) to living a life worthy of Jesus's death.

Ok, that was my spiritual life, now about my new job. I can't tell you how BLESSED I've been to be working this summer...actually two jobs. I waitress at a Chinese restaurant on the weekends at night and CVS Pharmacy as a pharmacist tech on the weekends in the morning and weekdays. Overall, i am really excited to learn. I think so far, I've mastered the whole waitressing thing. From time to time, I get really bad customers that takes advantage of your service and gives you a dollar for tips but overall, I been getting pretty decent customers. It is a hard job cause you run around constantly and you need to put up with nasty people sometimes but i figured I need to get used to it for nursing anyways. : ) Let me tell you, waitressing was definately a confidence builder. I can't tell you how much i used to hate waitressing cause I was patronized by customers when I was younger. It felt really good to overcome my fear. As for the pharmacy job, the first day was terrible. They put me in the Pharmacy with ANY training and there were quite an alarming amounts of people on that day too. I didn't understand the law and I broke so many of the rules...opps. It's really not my fault cause they didn't train me. But I am really excited about this job. I love learning and it will definately help me in the nursing program. Who knows, if nursing doesn't work out, I also have something to fall back on.

This summer, I thought through somethings. I've decided no matter what happens to me in the future, I am free. I am no longer confined by rules and regulations of life. Honestly, for the first time in my life, I recognized that there are so many different ways I can go, so many routes I can take. After the whole nursing situation, I felt so confined to stay at MSU for the next three years without knowing really what's going to happen. That gave me a lot of anxiety. I felt so extremely sad that my friends are at this new stage of life and I am still stuck in the same position. It seemed like I haven't moved at all. My life was stagnant and they made me kinda depressed. Through that experience, I realized that there are solutions to everything. MOst of the time, we tend to be very narrow-minded about in our life and our thoughts. We don't like unexpected changes cause it scares us and we feel like it is the end when things don't go our way but when we open ourselves up for options and leave God to work, we free our mind and allow peace to come into our lives. Thank you Lord. I am excited for what's next to come.