Sorry I haven't updated the good news on my blog until now. Yea, for those of you who don't know...I am engaged. I doubt that there are many of you who don't know this by now. The news of my engagement must have reached everyone in the country within 1-2 hours, except JW who just found out today even though it's been on his sprint phone for a week now.

Yes...I am engaged. How do I feel? Very thoughtful. I couldn't sleep tonight so I have decided to blog. My mind started wandering back to memory lane, the old ways of the past. I've thought about past relationships and how it has changed me as a person. I've thought about times when my heart was broken into pieces and the different pains I've experienced. I miss the Brody days, I miss the sweet innocence of myself and my friends, I miss the process of friendship building. For some reason tonight, I remember so cleary what the old days were like.

Sigmund said to me that other day, "so you are really really taken." I am afraid that I am sigmund. Tonight I feel engaged. That's a very appropriate word. Another word for it would be occupied, not available. Once I've said yes to the person, I am no longer just Samantha Quan. Marriage isn't about two people trying to get along. It is two people who are committed to become one. What scares me the most is that Ben and I couldn't be more opposite of each other. Today we live like individuals, people without responsibility for each other, in seven months it is us for the rest of our lives. Commitment isn't what I am afraid of. What scares me is that we have no idea how to start merging two very different lives together. Sometimes when I feel like we've made it, it is humbling to know that we haven't even begin. Some of my fears are, what if we lose sight of marriage as a constant commitment. What if one us become lazy in this marriage? What if one of us sees marriage as an end to itself? I see Ben's parents as a role model for our love and it scares me that we can't live up to them. When I start comparing our relationship with those that has endured the test of time, I realized how niave of us to think we know all the answers.

I've talked much about my thoughts on relationships but what it all comes down to is God's grace. HOnestly, none of us will last without his grace. When we commit our love to each other, we also commit to letting God shape our characters through marriage. And here the journey begins.