The pressure and the tension of the semester has finally come to and end. No matter how much I want to hide and run away, I know that you guys will eventually find out I didn't pass my health evaluation and must repeat the course all over again next school year. For a person who has so much pride and strive so hard for perfection, I have certainly been humbled beyond comfort and pain. There are times when we have endless conversations, at the dinner table, about graduating in three or three and a half years of school, and then there are those that feels the pressure and the stress to meet meet those standards because everyone talks about the subject without considering what it's like for the other person who WON'T be graduating in 3.5, 4, or even 5 years. Yup...that's me. How am I feeling right now? Ask me how much I struggled even from grade school on and I will tell you. Ask me how I strive so hard to get into nursing and I will tell you. Ask me how scared I was when I started nursing in the beginning of the semester? Ask me how much I want to complain and fret. Ask me why I didn't do well, and ask me why I failed. For some of you, you will never understand how much this kills my inner self. For some of you, you will never know how deep this cuts. I am very uncertain of my future. I am very uncertain how much things will change. I don't want to be left behind when all my friends go. I feel like I've been chasing a measuring stick all my life. When will I stop measuring myself based on the world's standard? When will truly feel complete? How much will your love for me change once you know I am not all that I want to be? Only the test of time will tell.