Yesterday was a blast. I had so much fun at CCF and ice skating. They played a lot of my favorite songs on the ring. At the end of the day I got a little emotional about where I am in life and certain characteristics that God gave me. At CCF, we were asked the question, "If you could change one characteristics about yourself what would it be?" Now that I ponder at it, I would like to have more drive. I watched the girls during body worship yesterday and they all had some good ideas as to how things could be done better. As for me, I sat back and listened because there were simply too many people that automatically took charge. I look at one of my best friend and she is a true leader. She has what it takes (the brain, the drive, the dicipline, Godly characteristics, sincere love for people, and amazing talents) and, I HATE to do this, but I look at myself and I fall so short. Yea...even literally!! Then I went ice skating and I saw some people try and push to become better at ice skating. At the end, they did really good and some were even going backwards on skates. What I noticed about myself was that I don't try for many things in life. I am not the type to press on toward the goal but to just slowly let it come. I don't have big ambitions, I am not very driven, and maybe I don't have big dreams. I have determined that I will NEVER be anyone great in life cause I simply do not care to fight for it. I learn things slow and I am adament about learning things on my own, the way I like it. I am not a team player and I have such a hard time fitting in. AHHHHHH.....I am so frustrated with myself cause I feel like such a loser. I feel so out of place, and I feel so useless. Where is my niche? I need to find it. I know somewhere out there, I will find where I can truly apply myself. I know somewhere out there, God has intended great things for me to do. I know somewhere out there, there will be things that I feel passionately about and nobody could be a better job than me. Where is my world and will I truly fill in the hole inside of me? Will I always be struggling with my self worth?